Painting by Alia Lundy
A few days ago, Tex rented a truck because he needed to get some supplies from Home Depot, but he also needed to drop off some furniture we no longer needed. It was a coffee table, a tv stand and an end table; all in decent condition. I relayed to him my doubts about Goodwill or the Salvation Army taking them. He believed them to be still worthwhile for some single person newly out on their own at least. Sadly, I was right. Both businesses turned him away, so into the dumpster they went. I feel bad but unfortunately neither of us had the time or patience to do more than that.
Why did GW and SA turn them away?
It’s because they have so much already. They are filled to the gills with furniture from many of our grandparents and parents’ eras and which allows them the luxury of what they want to take in. If it’s not high quality, then they won’t take it. It used to be they would almost take milk crates.
So what’s changed?
Basically, people are starting to need and want less. This may not be true all over the US but in the California Bay Area and other urban areas, people are simplifying their lives. Either out of necessity because of limited space and funds or simply because if something doesn’t have a purpose, then they don’t want it.
Do you remember living room furniture? You know, that furniture your grandmother had covered in plastic and was never sat on or used.
The following are some things that will likely not be wanted by some of our generation and future ones and the reasons why:
- Heavy Furniture – Besides a couch or a bed, large pieces such as armoires, credenzas, china cabinets, 8-person dining room sets are no longer popular buys. Ikea is cheaper and lighter. Ooh, rolltop desks and filing cabinets…remember those? Crammed full of paperwork and statements…yeah, everything is on our phone now. Even laptops are beginning to be obsolete.
- Knick knacks and collectibles – be it Beanie Babies or Limoge figurines, if it’s just going to sit there and collect dust, few people will want them. Especially since there are no armoires or credenzas to put them in.
- Books, music, movies, documents and pictures – all on our phones and tablets.
- Tiny Houses and Garage Apartments – Whether it’s in the city or in the country, many people are living in much smaller spaces. McMansions are not as popular as they used to be. Minimalism is on the rise.
- Mobility – Maybe not us so much (meaning Gen X) because we have established ourselves in a community we hope to stay in, but the next generations move often and tend to want to travel light.
I used to have a ton of stuff. I had a walk-in closet full of clothes and shoes, plus another closet. I still have two bureaus, but I now fit all the rest of my clothes and shoes in one regular sized closet, with room to spare. It even has all my coats. But I’m not done purging because there are still so many things I do not need and have not worn in ages. I once had over 90 pairs of shoes but now I’m down to 50 maybe 60 pairs which is about 40 too many because except for my plethora of workout shoes, I can count maybe 10 pairs I will wear for other occasions. But I digress…
So why am I on this tirade about clutter and what does it have to do with me being a caregiver?
3 years ago, when my dad started living in a nursing home, I had to clear out his apartment. It took me three 3-day weekends (yes, 9 days), and that was with the help of family. It was a 2-bedroom apartment! My dad’s bedroom and living room had multiple shelves stacked with books, movies (I think I counted 400+), and various other collectibles. In his storage room, on the balcony, I found boxes of collectible trains, cars, kitchen gadgets and just STUFF….so much stuff!!! A ton of which is still sitting packed in my garage because I haven’t had the time to sell them on Ebay or Craigslist. And this was even after a ton of stuff was given away. But the rest is still an overwhelming amount of STUFF, that I need to figure out how to deal with and do so in good conscience. My green side won’t allow me to throw it in the dumpster, so I will eventually find new homes for these items. Plus, if I can recoup any money, it will go to my dad’s account for his care, although it will likely only be for a fraction of what my dad paid for it.
Namaste…this whole topic raises my blood pressure. I mentioned earlier I had help from family. Most were patient with me and listened to how I wanted to tackle things. A couple, however, were aggressive and dare I say pushy. Don’t get me wrong, they had the best of intentions, but I was stressed enough from trying to figure out what to keep and what not to and at the same time, not disrespect my dad while he was too ill to give any input. So there was some drama.
So, what do I hope to achieve with this rant?
Two things I’d like my readers to do. First, do you know what will happen with your parents’ things when they are gone or no longer able to live on their own? If not, gently inquire about their thoughts on the issue, and if they even have one. They may be thinking everything they have is special and valuable and to be kept and cherished by all future generations. You may be thinking estate sale. Or worse, they may want specific items to go to specific people and those people have expectations of getting said items. In this case, the obvious solution to avoid misunderstandings or hurt feelings is for your parents to include these stipulations in a will. But maybe you are an only child and have no other family? I’m not saying that you should tell your mom that you hate her china and have no intention of keeping it but knowing what to expect and having your own plan for when that time comes can be helpful, in itself. After all, some people are not comfortable with discussions regarding their death or possible future ill state. So don’t push it, but the next time you’re at Mom’s house, maybe take a peak around (don’t miss the garage). And somehow slip into the conversation, if they have a storage unit you may not know about. Just sayin’…
The second thing is to think about what you want your children and/or other family members to have to deal with when you are sick or gone. Handling the stress of a loved one’s illness or death is overwhelming enough without them having to struggle internally and externally with your possessions. And I get it, we all have those items that for sentimental reasons, seem priceless.
I’m not trying to diminish anyone’s feelings. I have a lot of my daughter’s artwork. I still have my Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls that my late grandmother gave to me. As well as a doll that my Aunt brought back from Africa which still has the band-aid I put on it from a toy doctor kit my uncles had given me that same day (it was my 4th birthday). These are my treasures…but they are only special to me. If my daughter or my nieces, great-nieces want them, great. Else, I will leave instructions to give them away. But I don’t want anyone to stress or fight over the rest of my stuff. Because it is just stuff.
I’m looking around me and except for Alia’s art, a couple of dolls and some jewelry, the rest can go. Sell it if the money is needed, or else give it away if that’s easiest, or just throw it all away. Either way, hopefully there won’t be much to have to decide on.
This may sound sad or dark, but it doesn’t have to be. Instead of spending money on stuff, I will be spending it on experiences. This month, we are taking a road trip to Oregon. In November, we are going to the Bahamas. We are looking forward to getting a motor home in a couple of years.
And no, I will not be buying souvenirs…no collection of shot glasses from every city I visit. On that note, please don’t bring me any souvenirs. I can not guarantee they won’t accidently disappear or be broken.
healthyandsaneish.com 