Hey People! It’s been a while. My excuse is that it’s been a busy year but now, all of a sudden, I have extra time on my hand. As do many of us.
I’m not going to talk about COVID-19 because I’m not a medical expert of any kind and I’m sure you are being inundated with updates daily…hourly. But it did remind me of why I had originally started this blog.
I am a caretaker of an elderly parent who has preexisting conditions (heart failure and dementia) and who lives in a nursing home. My journey as a caretaker hasn’t been an easy one; it never is for anyone. But it’s not something that is talked about enough and it’s something that most people are not prepared for but are thrown into because of a traumatic event. And then chaos ensues, and lives are turned upside down.
The most recent events have shown how if we don’t prepare for our parents/grandparent’s eventual need for care (or even our own), then they/we are being set up to be the most vulnerable in a crisis. Now this does not have to just apply to elderly folks but anyone in compromised health but for the sake of simplification, I’ll stick to referring to the older population.
In these times, our elderly people are vulnerable because of a higher tendency to have preexisting illnesses. These illnesses make it harder to fight off infections and viruses. Hence why the “stay at home” mandate is even more imperative for them. But most of us have never been in this type of situation so even those people that have detailed action plans their elder’s care were caught with their pants down.
Triage – noun: (in medical use) the assignment of degrees of urgency to wounds or illnesses to decide the order of treatment of a large number of patients or casualties.
verb: assign degrees of urgency to (wounded or ill patients).
Such an ugly word! “Triage” is something that we hope never has to be done. We hope that there are enough doctors, nurses and other medical experts. We hope there are enough hospital beds and now, ventilators. But there may be a time when triage is necessary and unavoidable. Those that are oldest and most sick will get the short straw.
How do we minimize triage? Are there preventative measures to take?
One of the things we can do is help them not to expose themselves unnecessarily, ideally avoiding the need to go to the hospital.
What is written below is by no means a complete list. It’s what has come to my mind in recent days. But it’s a start and one I hope will be improved upon over time through discussions and collaborations. Note: This mostly applies to those living independently
- Technology – Some keep up with the times fairly well. They have the internet, a computer and maybe even a smart phone. But many don’t, either because they choose to be less connected and accessible, or because technology is simply challenging for them. My husband and I have both in our families. I recently bought my dad a flip phone because it was easier for him to use. But I also have family that have flip phones on purpose.
- For those that are more technologically savvy, help make sure their computers and phones are updated. Ask if they are having any difficulties. Grandchildren can be a great resource for this and it’s a way for them to also bond with their grandparents.
- Sometimes a landline isn’t a bad thing. If they have one, make sure it’s working. Check with them on whether or not they want their voicemail cleaned out…I don’t know why but it’s always full! I think they forget the code. Or they know the telemarketers can’t leave messages if the box is full…so maybe leave it alone. But check to make sure. They may not realize they are missing calls.
- Get to know their neighbors and friends close by. Exchange contact information. Share emergency plans with them (with your elder’s permission).
- Evacuation or Relocation Plan – I’m thinking about the recent fires? Do they have back-up transportation, if need be?
- Groceries and Prescriptions – Ideally their prescriptions are mailed to their residence. If not, see if you can help set this up. See if their preferred grocery stores delivers. Those that are still independent like to shop for themselves typically, because it gets them out of the house, but discuss alternatives for those emergencies. Make them familiar with this process. Again, close friends and neighbors can be helpful.
- Disaster supplies – Help them stock up on some food and paper necessities to hold them over in a pinch. Have a list and check on them twice a year. Also, batteries, a generator (especially if there are outages), gas for the generator, flashlights, etc…
- Entertainment – See that they have books, puzzles, hobby supplies…especially non-electronic items.
- What are some other categories?
Lastly, there have been a lot of funny memes lately about how children are having to parent the parents regarding staying home. Now, I’ve mentioned before that our parents and such can be resistant to help. We’ve had more than one parent initially ignore the “stay at home” mandate (sigh). I’ve heard the following excuses.
“I’m too stubborn to get sick” When explaining triage “They can’t tell my age” “You can’t shop for me because you don’t know the specific brands I like” and “I’m healthy enough”
These statements were met with frustrated long exhales and eyerolls. But I know they just don’t want to believe they are vulnerable. And I don’t blame them; I will probably be just as stubborn and in denial.
So be gentle. Show them that these aren’t just tasks for them because they are older but that you are doing the same in your own household. Try not to guilt trip them or treat them like children; treat them like they are the adults they are. Make them a part of the process; don’t just make decisions for them.
Now more than ever, we need to look out for each other and our loves ones.
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