Happy New Year to All!
It’s been a while since I posted anything. Meh, life! Ironically, I wrote this blog in October, but I was having a hard time editing it …there’s a lot going on in this particular blog. But it’s information worth knowing, I guarantee!!! Currently, I am in the process of helping a loved one sort through their house and declutter. A lot of which involves mail, so now is an appropriate time to send this out.
Also, has anyone watched “Tidying Up” with Marie Kondo??? It’s a must see on Netflix…especially after my previous article on Clutter. But I digress….
I apologize in advance for the intensity of this article. This topic brings out so many negative emotions. Rage, sadness, despair, confusion, distrust…DESTRUCTION!!! Yes, I want to destroy Publisher’s Clearing House!!! Maybe not with explosives (maybe), but I definitely wouldn’t cry if they went bankrupt and shut down. You see, they and other businesses like them, are the Devil.
There are thousands of organizations like them whose business model is contingent on extracting money from those with diminished mental capacities or who are just naïve (this includes myself). They disguise themselves as Charities, Sweepstakes, and sellers of ‘Valuable’ collectors’ items, when really they are sellers of lies, false hope and clutter.
Story time Part1 – So much Mail!
Dad received a ton of mail every day…he actually had his own basket outside of his apartment because it wouldn’t fit in the mailbox. When I became Power of Attorney and in charge of his finances, I decided to do a change of address from his home to mine. Being that I live inside prison grounds, I can’t get mail at my actual house, so I have a mailbox at the San Quentin Post Office.
Yes, there is actually a town of San Quentin…it is essentially one block and the Post Office is the only business.
Before this change of address for Dad, I would go the mailbox once a week. Personally, I handle most transactions online and opt out of paper statements whenever possible. I knew I’d have to make a few more trips in the beginning but I wasn’t planning on the daily stops that had to occur in order to allow room for the following day’s mail. I had already stopped paper statements for my dad and systematically changed his address to mine, so I figured the other mail would just dissipate over time because I would not be sending other address changes beyond what was needed. Boy was I wrong!
Now all his mail was coming to my house with those yellow forwarding address stickers. But it should stop in 6 months, right? Because six months is the length of time that USPS forwards mail. Nope! After a couple of weeks of daily trips to the post office, I noticed fewer yellow stickers and my ACTUAL address on the envelopes and magazines (so many magazines by the way). What the Frack!!!
It turns out that the USPS distributes (sells?) your address when you do an online address change (how thoughtful of them). So then began the journey of hundreds of emails and letters and returned envelopes.
Once a week, I sat down with a stack of several dozen pieces of mail and my laptop. I opened the mail to determine if there was an email address or website or a phone number.
- If yes to an email address or phone number, then I emailed a simple note explaining my dad was ill and no longer able to receive mail.
- My dad was never tech savvy, so I created an email to handle his personal needs. I did not use my own personal emails.
- If there was no email or website, but a phone number, I called (*67 then their number so my number comes up blocked). 99% of people responded well. There were a few assholes who insisted on a copy of the POA (to whom I spoke harshly to), but I would eventually concede. Later I figured out I just needed to tell them that the name of the person on the envelope did not reside at my home and to stop sending me their mail.
- If there were none of the three, then I had a standard printed note that I mailed out instead, usually using their self-address envelope. Luckily, in all of Dad’s possessions, there were a ton of stamps.
- I should note that if an organization does not have an email, website or phone number then they were shady at best and likely something criminal was going on.
- I then added the name of the business or organization to a spreadsheet. If I received additional mail from that same place, I took out my big red marker and wrote in bold “RETURN TO SENDER! REMOVE FROM MAILING LIST!!”
- I had a black marker too because I had to hide my address. Otherwise, it would come back to me, red markings and all.
I got to know the San Quentin Postmaster well. He helped me in any way he could. Between him and the letters, emails and returned mail, I was able to remove my address from most mailing lists. In general, it took 3 to 6 months to be permanently removed. But I did eventually figure out a way to end this madness and it did diminish greatly after about a year. Today, I maybe get a random piece of mail once or twice a month. I still have my red and black markers handy.
Besides this process, here are some additional aids to reduce your mail:
- More Ways to Get Off Mailing Lists – http://www.worldprivacyforum.org
- dmachoice.org, Direct Marketing Association, Mail Preference Service, P.O. Box 643, Carmel, NY 10512-0643. It costs $2 but this will remove your address from their list. They are where most of the organizations buy your info from. Yes, essentially you are paying the Devil to not send you crap…it’s like paying the mob to protect you from them. But it works and it’s worth the $2.
- optoutprescreen.com, 888-564-8688, For Pre-screened Credit card and Insurance offers
- This is for those annoying credit card applications. I believe there is a permanent removal option or just 5 years.
- catalogchoice.org, The Catalog Choice Ecology Center
This was a lot of work in the beginning, but it was necessary. So now you ask “How does this save me or my parents money?”
Story time Part 2 – If they are sending you mail, they are asking for money!
Just a quick reminder, Dad was suffering from undiagnosed vascular dementia. He was vulnerable, which made him gullible and he was forgetful. He was also tech averse. He only did transactions through the mail and sometimes on the phone. Never on a computer.
I realized when I took over my Dad’s accounts, that he was writing a couple dozen checks a month. Besides bills, all the rest were charities, PCH (Publisher’s Clearing House) and like companies, Sweepstakes and Coin Merchants. Boy, did he like collecting coins. Sadly, he had depleted his savings before we realized this was going on.
It probably started with Dad donating to one Veteran charity and one animal shelter. So now his information is out there and soon his mailbox is full of mail from several dozen so-called Veteran and Animal charities. I say ‘so-called’ because there is no way to track if most of these charities are valid or how much of the funding the intended recipients were actually receiving. And even if there was a way to find out, Dad did not have the mental tools needed to do so.
PCH falls under two categories: the seller of clutter and sweepstakes. Dad probably started out signing up for the sweepstakes portion but then PCH offers you deals! On clothes, knickknacks, magazines, etc… And of course, his information is again sold to other like companies.
Side Story: On a few occasions, Dad would actually receive a valid check for a couple of thousand dollars from some so-called Sweepstakes. Here’s the hitch. The letter would say that Dad had actually won $100000, or $250000 and that this initial check was for the purpose of paying the taxes on his winnings. He was instructed to cash the check, and then send most of the money back to them, and he would keep a couple of hundred dollars. They would later send the remainder of his winnings once the taxes were paid. Riiiight! Luckily, Dad was aware enough to realize this sounded suspicious and let me know each time it happened. I checked the FBI website and this is definitely a scam. Probably some type of money laundering.
I digress…COINS! The coin companies and their promises of future gains. They were worse than the sweepstakes companies because they actually gave you an item, a coin, that you likely paid hundreds of times it’s actual value. “But it will be worth so much more some day!” Even if that were true, by the time you would possibly see a profit, you would be decades dead, as would your children.
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The lesson to be learned from all of this is if you are receiving mail you don’t want, you have options to stop them. But also, to be aware for you parents’ sake. Do they receive a ton of mail? If so, why and what kind? They are likely not going to know how to the stop this madness, so you will have to help them. This in turn, will save you trouble in the future.
What if my parents don’t want my help? They say it’s none of my business! What if they insist that they know what their doing and it’s their money and they can do with it what they want?
That’s true, they can, but if you ask questions and they get defensive and/or combative, it’s likely a sign they are having troubles and are too afraid to say so or are too embarrassed. So be delicate and try not to be accusatory or condescending.
“Hey Mom, I noticed the stack of mail on the counter? Do you like getting all this mail?…. If not, I can try and help you stop getting some of it or show you how.”
This could be a great bonding moment. An opportunity for them to share their anxieties with you and for you to show them that you are there for them. If you haven’t started talking about their future, here is a gateway to those conversations. It’s also a gateway to finding out what you yourself need to prepare for.
Wow! That was a lot…I tried really hard to keep it from being as confusing as possible but if you have questions, Please Please Please reach out!
healthyandsaneish.com 